Dealing with ptsd and a upcoming deployment

by: jenv

Thu Mar 05, 2009 at 09:54:44 AM EST

( - promoted by DonQuixote)

Sometimes, I really believe the army does not care to get at least my soldier help. My husband was on a 15 month deployment to Iraq and has been home a year which has been like an emotional roller coaster after seeking help for six months they have just diagnosed him with ptsd, I had to go raise hell with the hospital because they give him medication but DO I REPEAT DO NOT address any of the problems he has at first i was unsure if he was telling them anything at all but I do believe he was intendtionally leaving things out, Thsi doctor told me that he is not the same person and its common for them to do somethings and i should just except it well the hell with that they broke him why dont they fix him they dont have to live with him i do and NORMAL people do not do what he does, I told them he has a drinking problem and I forced the issue but ASAP says he has no drinking problem dont they know the first signs is denial. Now they are about five months from another deployment i do not understand how they can send him again when they havent fixed the problems from the first deployment.

jenv :: Dealing with ptsd and a upcoming deployment

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Dealing with ptsd and a upcoming deployment | 2 comments

My heart goes out to you. (6.00 / 1)

I seriously told my husband just the other day that the Army needs to do an in-depth look into the groups of people they keep sending to Iraq over and over again. I mean, a 23-year-old soldier may very well be sent on a 4th or 5th deployment if he enlisted at 18 and simply wanted to straighten his life out and have a steady income. I'm saddened by the amount of stress that these young people are being put through. My husband was 24 when he left for Iraq- but I think he came home much older than that.
Keep fighting. Keep pushing the issue. The Army can't afford to keep turning their blind eyes on the soldiers that need help- the more insistent you are, the better chance you have at getting your soldier the help that he needs. Keep your head up and know that there's always someone here who will listen to what you have to say and someone can almost always relate to what you have to say. It's important to get these things off your chest.

"Let future generations understand the burden and blessings of freedom. Let them say we stood where duty required us to stand."

by: untiltheyallcomehome @ Fri Mar 06, 2009 at 01:46:08 AM CST

I actually want to weep when I read these things from you milspouses. (0.00 / 0)

The horrendous affect of war on our soldiers is a great burden for them to bare but in many ways is even worse on their families. I am sure he is a changed man and not the man you married. That has to be a terrible feeling. Almost like having husbands switched on you and yet you want to stay married and stay loyal and "in sickness and in health". You get glimpses of the man you fell in love with and married and hope he can fully return. He can but it will take a great deal of work and effort on his part to get back to who he was. PTSD is not the only thing that has this kind of effect on a family.

There are other things too and they all take a lot of work on the part of the individual who has the sickness. My alcoholism and drug addiction did it to me (24 years sober now). My TBI did it to me (occurred 1999). Nothing changed until I learned to stop denying, accepted and sought help.

Any issue like PTSD (alcoholism, drugs etc) has to have enough negative consequences for the person for them to break denial and seek help. Unfortunately, in the short term, the only negative consequences in your husbands life may only come from you. He WILL turn it back on you and say you have changed, you are a nag, you are the problem, you don't understand.

I hate to say this, I hated when it was done to me, KEEP NAGGING HIM, KEEP PUSHING THE ISSUE, GET HIS FAMILY INVOLVED, GET FRIENDS WHO KNEW "THE OLD" HUSBAND YOU HAD INVOLVED. You said in your article;

NORMAL people do not do what he does

You didn't say what he does. That is normal. You are embarrassed. You carry his shame. Stop hiding it. Tell his family, tell his friends.

One other thing I hate to say but I must be this bold and blunt - If he EVER gets violent with you or your children (don't know if you have any) - LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE. I even tell my wife today that if I ever start drinking/drugging regularly, leave me immediately.

We all know the military is slow in coming around on this issue. ONLY if he pushes it with the military is there any chance that they will get him more help than just meds. Meds can be one good piece of the solution but it is never the only piece.

Some VA hospitals are better than others. The one here in Tucson is very up to date, vigilante and does screening and more. They truly want to find those with PTSD & TBI and help them. Unfortunately from what I read here that is not the case for most.

Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Get yourself some help. Find a support group if there is one and go talk to others in the same predicament. YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF until he starts taking care of himself.

Keep writing here, keep talking. You are more than welcome to email me directly at tkkole1@yahoo.com if you would like. I am no expert by any means but I know a fair amount about PTSD, drinking issues and the marital problems they cause.

God bless you. Tom.

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation." Herbert Spencer

by: DonQuixote @ Fri Mar 06, 2009 at 16:48:29 PM CST