The weight of our sacrifice

by: untiltheyallcomehome

Thu Mar 12, 2009 at 02:23:33 AM EDT

I was looking around online today at potential freelance writing jobs. I came across a certain website that advertises positions for various communication outlets- and I saw one that was listed from the college I graduated from. It was a Grad Assistant position for this project that I worked on when I was in school there. They're offering to pay for grad school and giving a small stipend (around $6000) in exchange for working on this project, doing research on wrongfully accused inmates who are currently serving jail time.
This may sound kind of strange- but I lost it. It was as if a dam had opened up behind my eyes. Why would this make me cry you might ask? Because 6 years ago when I graduated I had a heavy hand in a story that was published in a major newspaper. I had a byline. I pored 3 semesters of school into the project and 6 years ago I would have given my left foot to continue the work as a grad assistant, while they paid for me to go to school.
I do not regret my life. But sometimes I feel the heavy weight of the sacrifice I have made. I know that while I may be able to find work as a freelance journalist- I probably won't ever be able to be involved in the kind of things I was doing while I was in college. After sort of aimlessly going through my journalism classes, I definitely thought I'd found my niche in the world of investigative journalism. It was deeper, it was more involved- it was wonderful. By the time I graduated from college, I was looking around for internships across the country that would have helped advance my dream career of doing this for a living.
But fate intervened. I became pregnant with our first daughter shortly before I received my diploma bearing a Bachelor of Arts accreditation. And within a year of that event- my husband had joined the Army and was on his way to flight school. Life seemed to fast forward and my own dreams of becoming a reporter seemed to get lost along the way.
They had told me all through school that it would be difficult to have a family if you were "serious about journalism" because it could be so extremely time consuming. What I know now is that it COULD have happened. But as long as I'm moving every few years, establishing myself at a newspaper and working my way through the ranks isn't going to happen for me.
Do I sound bitter? Yesterday I was. Today I'm more reflective- today I realize that while the job I currently have may not be what I always wanted, there is still time for me to find something for myself. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I'm becoming more and more determined to find it.
The weight of our sacrifice is almost unbearable at times, but other times I hardly notice. Not all military spouses feel this way and like I mentioned before, I'm not regretful. I'm anxious for something in my life to change that allows me to be a supportive wife and mother, but also an accomplished one.

untiltheyallcomehome :: The weight of our sacrifice

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The weight of our sacrifice | 1 comments

A simple twist of fate. (0.00 / 0)

I think we all have these reflective thoughts on occasion.

Turns in the road we took and where things COULD have gone had we turned another way.

For many, those COULD haves are lost forever. For some, they are able to still pursue a part of the could have. For a few, they see the could have before it's time has past and are able to catch it before it passes them by.

I have many. I also realize that had I taken even THE SLIGHTEST different turn in the past I wouldn't have my amazing wife, my two wonderful children, my granddaughter and a grandson due in just days and so, so much more that I cherish.

The turn that took you to be the spouse of a military man lost you things but I am sure it has gained you others.

In my mind the unfortunate thing for a milspouse is that so few people realize the turn they made lost them important things to them in sacrifice to our nation. Many see it for the military person but not their spouse.

I have personally learned it here, on milspousepress.

I'm anxious for something in my life to change that allows me to be a supportive wife and mother, but also an accomplished one.

I hope you can do this.

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation." Herbert Spencer

by: DonQuixote @ Thu Mar 12, 2009 at 07:43:14 AM CDT