Missing my husband when he's already home..is it ptsd? where do i go for help?

I understand your pain. (7.00 / 1)

And I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband spent 15 months in Iraq and has been home over a year and while on the surface some things appear to be the same, I know that some things will never be the same. Read some of the things I wrote under "untiltheyallcomehome" and I think you'll find that you are not alone. I don't think my husband came home with the more obvious, physical signs of "PTSD" and we've come to the road of whether or not to seek counseling ourselves. So far we have not. Your situation is heartbreaking to me and I understand you wanting to reach out and not being sure about how to do it. Try to get in touch with people he works with maybe, just to make sure that he isn't suffering more than what people are seeing. There could be a million reasons that he is shutting you out and one could be that he wouldn't know what to say to you. My husband won't really tell me about what went on over there- he only tells the "funny" stories or the "safe" stories, ones that have nothing to do with the war he fought in.
Keep coming back here. Read what other people have written. Know that you have support and you are not alone.

"Let future generations understand the burden and blessings of freedom. Let them say we stood where duty required us to stand."

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by: untiltheyallcomehome @ Fri Apr 10, 2009 at 01:40:11 AM CDT

re: missing my husband (4.00 / 1)

I first off wanted to tell you i am sorry for what you are going threw it isnt easy being married to a military person is probably the hardest thing a marriage can go threw my husband was also in iraq for 15 months last year for the surge and te is suppost to be deployed again at the end of aug. When my husband first came back for R&R the had an anger problem and when he came back it was worse he drank all the time and wanted to be with his friends, he ended up getting into trouble and if it was not for this site he probably would have got chaptered out of the army he has been on medication for almost a year but he didnt get help for about 5 months after being back home it has not helped at all they have changed his medication a number of times hes been to asap, anger management and several other classes they have offered him and i can honnestly say it hasnt made one bit of difference the only thing that helps me is patience and a good support system.My husband has finally come to the realization that he does not think he will be able to be off medication because hes worse without it and by no means does that mean hes NOT A JERK it just helps him cope a little better  because without anything at all i never know what i am getting up to in the morning hes a walking time bomb. So just have patience and faith if you love him and are willing to stick it out good luck its not easy but as for me i would not be happier without him i know he loves me and i love him and i know all the help he has tried is for me and my kids, so hang in there i am just have faith    

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by: jenv @ Wed Jun 10, 2009 at 15:43:46 PM CDT

Jenv...... (0.00 / 0)

 If you would like to contact me via phone my number is 912-656-4704 and I also have yahoo IM my screen name is jessdm1223.

Well....I would like to update my status to you.... It has been almost 6 months since I left and I haven't had any meaningful contact with my husband since the day he sent me home.  2 weeks after I came home he had a 10 day leave and he came home (we are from the same home town) and although he said he would call me when he got in (because we wwere going to try to work things out and he wanted to see me so he siad and my daughter, his step daughter) he did not contact me and 3 days after he was in town I tried calling him he answered said he was at a bar with "people he knew" and would call me later in the week if he had time.  That broke my heart worse than elaving did.  It was proof that he didn't miss me, didn't needed me...and I needed him oh so badly.  he did not contact me at all that week and went back to georgia and I never heard from him.  

I checked his emails and myspace...trying to see what he was doing what state of mind he was in and basically I was obsessing over this situation I couldn't mentally grasp.  I felt like I did something wrong...I wasn't good enough didnt try hard enough didnt love him enough to make things ok.  And I realize now looking back  that I felt like I thought we were so in love and so strong that he would come back to me like the day he left completely in love and yearning for my closeness.  I knew that other soldiers were affected by what they had done or seen but I was so naive and in love I firmly beleived this could not happened to us not to my husbnad...we love each other too much.   my biggest fear was him dying over there....I never thought he could die and still come home alive.  

any how....through checking his emails I discovered he was sleeping around with women and going on with life as if I never existed and we never loved and here I am 700 miles away waiting to wake up form a nightmare and things go back to normal.  

He wouldnt answer my calls or texts or emails and then he changed his number ...the worst part was his mom started harrassing me...because I made a comment to someone him adn I both know and I guess word spread through a small town that I said that cheating on your spouse in the military is a crime and he could get in trouble,  well I guess his mom heard I said that and called me flipping out calling me a crazy psychotic "bitch" and she would make sure I paid if I did anythign to him.....(crazy I know) .....a week later she called children adn youth on me and told them I tried to kill my daughter...among other things....his mom is a tad mentally unstable...but this is just low even for her!  I got his new number after researching ....and I texted him and he had the nerve to tell me I'm crazy?????   he said he doesnt know why he talks to me coz every time he does I am saying crazy stuff...liike he didnt beleive his mom did that.  and when he talks to me Im not sure..so I dont know what he was talking about.   the next day he texted me asking if I would consent to a divorce and I said NO.  1. my fduahgter and I dont have other health ins.  2. the military is helping me pay for my college 3. I still love him adn although I have given up on the reality of making this work...I cant  let go of the small bit of hope.   so here Ive been for 6 months....no BAH which I rightfully deserve although I have no idea how to obtain it and I am not even sure where he is anymore either ft hood or ft stewart and without the love of my life.......I became obsessed with ptsd for a while researching it as much as possible looking for answers ...for a miracle.  I have not found my miracle....however I have decided to make a profession out of helping people that are in my situation..  I was depressed, alone, and suicidal and there was no help....I often wonder how many spouses were in that situation adn actually took their life.  and all they needed was someone to talk too.   I am currently going to school for psychology and hope to get involved in ptsd in a professional setting in the near future.....  

well..thats my story....the updated version...adn I'd love to hear yours...I have had an overwhelming response to my blog  and it saddens my heart to know so many people are going through this, but in some way it m akes me feel better...that I am not alone in all of this and I feel closer to these strangers who feel my pain than to anyone who has tried to comfort me.  

I truly thank you for emailing me and I hope to hear form you soon.

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by: jessdm1223 @ Thu Sep 10, 2009 at 17:50:12 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

just curious how you are doing? (4.00 / 1)

coincidentaly my husband came home March 29th from Iraq...anyhow we ...the kids and I so impatiently...stairing at photos everyday...we didnt argue too often while he was gone.  he even send drawings home to our kiddos!  I cried when i saw how happy we were and imagined that today...5 months later...I would be feeling that "happy"  its so opposite!  He is so strange lately.  Tells me I dont do my 'job'!  He doesnt know how a 2 and 3 year old dont let you clean up one thing without making 2 more messes!  then feeding and im finally getting a job cuz they JUST got accepted to child care.  I will not take away that he doesnt understand how I can get so easily worked up with my babies seeing he spent 7 months away missing them and its been over a year and a half since i have had one single day away from those lovely...little monsters of mine!  I know he dont want to come home to screaming...somedays i just want to not be home either.  But im losing track...since he has come home, he has lost his temper, making my behavior worse..i only tried to be patient for as long as possible, then I started to lose myself a bit...like.."what about me???" I meen this job thing should help with adult time and I get the hubby is always stressed.  He had 30 days leave after Iraq and just couldnt stay calm.  I feel as though its beginning to just get out of control...he denies ever telling me I was a bad mom and didnt know how to do my job...thats the utmost hurtful thing a mom could hear...so sadly in return I say i hate him...its not him i hate its his words...but at the time i think its him...then well divorce has been mentioned too many times...its like  I give up and I cant be a statistic...i been with him for 9 years!!!!  This emotional strain is just so much and he again .."over me not thinking its wrong to smoke in the car withOUT the kids in it and im not gunna say sorry cuz its fine...i wish i would have just said SORRY" cuz then i was a stupid c*nt who should just pack her things and collect the divorce paper work in the morning.  Im sick of it and a part of me just wants to go go go! its not good for our kids or our health! and I dont want the papers I just want to go home and prove to him that i will leave...because 'YOU' need to be more patient and understanding and for crying out loud I went from 180 lbs to 115!!! Tell me im pretty and i do a good job...im not lazy i do SOOOO much daily!  I guess im terrified that if I do go home....he wont call me or answer my texts..and worse if I dont get a divorce and take the kids he could get instant custody. I would be so sad without him...but i dont feel like I really have "him" !  please, what did end up happening, what did you do?  We need to repair our family.

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by: trkl0006 @ Tue Aug 25, 2009 at 01:45:57 AM CDT